Rambling about my personality and quirks.
Today I'm going to be talking about myself, not you, you don't have to selectively remember your life just to relate to me. You musn't pick up any of my habits either because you think they're cool, you should only do the personality mimicking to fictional characters.
If you're reading this on Spacehey I'm planning to make this a pinned blog for people to get to know me better without wasting too much time, and maybe consider adding me? Look I DON'T KNOW! I'm just friending anyone at this point, because I never knew how bone-dry your requests are when your profile isn't pretty looking.
If you're reading this on my bearblog, you can consider this a way better "about me" section, that's already outdated by the way.
When I write this out I'm going to admit the less "pretty" aspects of myself. Be wary that I may not have the same cookie cutter interests other Spacehey users have, and my personality somehow manages to be like a balancing act. I've really thought about the barest form of myself, and not just a form that I would want others to hear instead. I might not be the most likable but I don't care at this point, this is my blog and I get to ramble about what I want instead of what gives me the most kudos... but I still like attention.
Speaking of that, I like attention and recieving it. I get giddy when I see that a blog entry I posted has a kudo, and I like reading all of the comments I recieve. I don't think it's unhealthy to like attention, a lot of people tend to like positive feedback. I used to like attention in a more unhealthy way when I was 11 years old, as in I fished for praise and other people's approval all of the time and I purposefully bullied myself so the praise I recieved was more affective. I think I was just lonely at that time, I always dreamed about being someone's favorite person.
I think I prefer talking in a group chat more rather than one-on-one, because I can just depend on the other people to come up with the topic, one-on-one makes you have to do more concious thinking, it also seems a little more isolating. Maybe I scared myself a little too much by reading many Discord grooming stories but I'm instantly queasy about considering continuing messaging when the other person starts the chat with a compliment.
When it comes to topics I don't feel like I can stick to one nor can I talk about a singular something for hours (the only exception is if I really like it). I tend to burn through many topics when I have a conversation and I used to have a motor mouth when I learned how to speak for the first time, quite literally, I talked speedy. I think I'm potraying my motor mouth-like trait by how word dense I make these blogs, but at the same time I'm also just susceptible to rambling.
That's mostly how I'm like when I actually get the taste of socialization, how are my social skills? Unsurprisingly they're completely non-existent considering I have a Spacehey account. I can make a cheap joke like that but really everyone on Spacehey is scared of being the one to message first and I've heard the story hundreds of times, I personally dislike stereotypes but I feel like the "Spacehey users can't socialize" stereotype is less of a jab and more of a factual statement. I don't like going outside, my city sucks and there's nothing to do here and it's run down and full of crime, I basically live in IRL grand theft auto except all of the fun features that makes it a video game get cut out. No child should be raised here and I miss my old house because it was placed in a town that was actually functional.
When it comes to humor I'm a little conflicted on what makes me laugh, I used to try to fit in by having floptok and "aesthetic warning" humor when I was 13 but now I know that I don't ever desire to use Tiktok again in my life, nowadays I think floptok is just brainrot for girls. I can safely say THAT was the cringiest time of my life, but I think cringing at your 13 year old self is just a universal experience and a "canon event" for when you get older for all you youngins reading this. One specific thing I like to do is come up with oddly specific roasts for certain people, I won't respond to roast requests I only do that to people I know very personally (think of family members or close friends... IF I HAD CLOSE FRIENDS!) because I know the exact combination to hurt them the most.
I'm beginning to get a little bored here so I'm just going to spit out a MBTI so I can move on and call it a day. ISFP, it actually reasonates with me a lot, and I didn't take the shippy 16personalities test for that.
Now we're here, I've just been talking about my more "normal" aspects but here I'm ready to talk about my less appealing sides. This is what I told you about not being the most normal person, I've already admitted an embarrassing interest on here before, so I now currently feel invincible to anything. It feels nice to type this all out, I've just pretended to be likable and wanted to fit in for years by curating my interests and being all winded up in my choice of words but this is what I'm like at my barest form.
I'm a childish person, no littles, reallys, prettys or anything like that, just 'a'. I don't mean childish as in I just like a hatsune miku song or a video game, I like things meant for literal toddlers! It makes sense when I look at myself on the bigger picture, I'm currently a recovering baby sibling and a recovering iPad kid, my best memories were of when I was a little kid! I didn't get that moment of shock and "firetruck, I need to grow up!" in the alternate timeline where I was an eldest sibling, I was spoon-fed a spoiled childhood and I allowed myself to wallow in that instead of being fed tough love and having to go grocery shopping at the fresh age of 5 years old. Some people had the latter of a childhood and I'm sorry that I'm rubbing salt in your wound, but that's just how my life went.
I realize I tend to subconciously flock to my childhood interests because I realize once in my life that time passes and less than 2 years time I'm going to be the world's youngest adult. The word 'Adult' already sounds so mighty and scary, maybe I just got too comfortable being a minor, no I feel like everyone would, it's a generous 18 years and for what.
But enough about my auto-therapy, I tend to be both the meanest person to myself and the nicest person to myself I'm just mentally enigmatic like that. I like to look at inanimate objects or think about pure concepts and then I personify them as people with hopes and dreams. I'll take the letters that I type out as an example, the original 26 letters of the alphabet are a group of friends that interlock fingers and form words, there is a machine that infinitely clones these letters so they can accomodate my endless greed for the alphabet.
Surprise backstory drop, I had an Alphabet Lore phase back in ye olde days of 2022-2023 so I've already personified letters for a while. Kind of a weird phase to have nested in a phase of being 13-14 years old but atleast I wasn't dying or something. I'm legally banned from using images but my interests in the fattest of nutshells can be summarized with that one image "Why can't you like music or girls or something" with a room full of ladder memorabilia please I'm tugging your shirt collar you HAVE and NEED to know what I'm talking about!
My personality and interests manage to be a balancing act, I have one foot in each world. I feel like the world has destined me to be a logo kid manchild on DeviantArt that argues with people and posts "delete this" memes and crossover reaction images, but I've now learnt and acquired literacy and now I'm in this weird half and half. Do I venture off into the dark forest and get bullied and force myself to be normal like jamming a mis-matched puzzle piece to fit, or do I stay in the comfort of watching baby cartoons and never gain any IRL relationships thus go crazy and and board up my windows with wooden planks?
I can understand why I turned out like this. My pysche and sense of identity is like playdoh as in literally everything that could ever touch me leaves a dent on it. I watched a bunch of cartoons where a bunch of non-human and non-humanoid things were personified when I was a kid, so I'll hastily assume that I just picked up the habit of personifying inanimate objects and concepts when I got older because of that. I feel like everything about me can be explained by my childhood, I've had a rough time roping up my rattling sense of self in my teen years in general so it makes sense that once I finally got a hold of it, it was just my childhood self in disguise. I guess I still have some growing up to do. The frolicking wonders of Autism.
Where are my manners, you're probably very tired after reading so many words. As an intermission I will give you not one, but two line breaks! spend it wisely.
Some few other stuff about me I'd like to state because I forgot I was supposed to cram those into my word spaghetti:
I like crossovers and in an alternate timeline I'd be into Pooh's adventures.
I had a phase where I wanted to be cute so I purposefully pronounced my Rs and Ls as Ws even though I was perfectly capable of pronouncing said sounds.
When I was 2 years old I used to be very knowledgeable in bone names and anatomy but now I forgot all of the bone names and anatomy, it's my most devastating loss.
I can barely spell and I have to paste all of my typos in order to get the right spelling but I can spell 'Definitely' with confidence.
I count in 2s, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10...
I play with dollhouse apps on my iPad.
I self censor myself on purpose, cuss words are crass and too casual for my taste.
Yes, I have looked into age regression but I don't find it as something I shift into, it's just a part of my personal self.
In the end, this is just a lot of words to say I'm autistic. However since I've grown as a person without being confined by a mold, I've grown into a pretty eccentric person, I still would rather wear plain clothing though. I'd craft a wall collage and work my printer into overtime as it will hold pictures of all my equally awful interests mixed together like a tornado, but it'd be my magnum opus and the one thing that makes me happy as life goes on.