Dawn of 2025's final day
Today in the CST timezone it's currently the morning of December 31st.
As to verbally ram your sternum with my words, my year felt empty. I didn't do anything well and I felt like the exact same person as I was from last year. I chickened out and I didn't socialize or make a single friend at all. People still scare me and I formed absolutely no new habits that'd serve me anything good.
My face was fixed with a mild grimace look for most of the year. I turned 16 years old this year; this was supposed to be my sweet 16 with a flurry of frills and chewing on hot candies. I didn't experience such dreams, I was mostly reminded of how the world sucks and how my interests are objectively bad. For most of 2025 I was trying to mentally escape from this harsh world by death gripping on my daydreams and consuming media that was harmless fluff with a saccharine twinge to it, making it fairy floss.
I've still had very rampant identity issues with myself in this year especially because I was creating dead hairs from how much I wanted to fit in. I got my hopes up thinking 'this is the one identity I'm going to stick to forever!' until my expression melts the moment I stop feeling like said identity.
I'm still very self concious about myself and worrying if I'm being too "weird" and "social reject"-like, even today where I stand right now there's this dull persistent pain that courses and strokes through every wrinkle of my brain. Being on the top blogs on Spacehey definitely touched a nerve, I feel so exposed and I can feel hundreds of strangers lurking through my floorboards like ghosts as they read these words and dissapear instantly. Every nerve in my body tells me there are people gossiping about me in their bulletins, using derogatory language and making fun of me for my interests.
I really try and want to admit that I don't care about other people's feelings but I've tumbled into a pile of bones, I'm not emotionally strong enough to make those sorts of statements.
Happy new year I guess. I've just had a sad time and I'm most likely going to sleep through the counter. I'm scared for 2026, I turn 17 that year and I now truly feel like I'm no longer going to stay as a young little minor that can get off the hook for anything due to my age. I'll soon just be a dumb skill-stunted 'ADULT'... that final word truly strikes fear within me, it sounds so mighty.
Due to my mood, my writing is currently a little lackluster. Sorry about that.